Golf Jokes II

Ever wonder why golf is growing in popularity and people who don't even play go to tournaments or watch it on TV? These truisms may shed light on reasons why.

Golf is an honorable game, with the overwhelming majority of players being honorable people who don't need referees.

Golfers don't scratch their privates on the golf course.

Golfers don't kick dirt on, or throw bottles at, other people.

Professional golfers are compensated in direct proportion to how well they play.

Golfers don't get per diem and two seats on a charter flight when they travel between tournaments.

Golfers don't hold out for more money, or demand new contracts, because of another player's deal.

When golfers make a mistake, nobody is there to cover for them or back them up.

The PGA Tour raises more money for charity in one year than the National Football League does in two.

In golf you cannot fail 70% of the time and make $9 million a season.

Golf doesn't change its rules to attract Fans.

Golfers keep their clothes on while they are being interviewed.

Golf doesn't have free agency.

Her Side of the Story:
My husband was in an odd mood Saturday night. We planned to meet at a cafe for a drink. I spent the afternoon shopping with the girls and I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit later than I promised, but he didn't say anything much about it. I don't remember doing anything to make him upset, but I could tell there was something wrong. The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off to some place intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I was getting really worried, what did I do? What was bothering him? Was he mad at me? I tried to cheer him up, but started to wonder what was bothering him. Was it me or something else? I asked him if he was upset with me, he said no. But I wasn't really sure. So anyway, in the car on the way back home, I said that I loved him deeply and he just put his arm around me. I didn't know what the heck that meant because, you know, he didn't say it back or anything. We finally got back home and I was wondering if he was going to leave me! So I tried to get him to talk but he just switched on the TV. Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to bed. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and to my surprise, we made love. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I wanted to confront him but didn't. I just cried myself to sleep. I don't know what to do anymore. I mean, I really think he's seeing someone else.

His Side of the Story:
Played very badly today -- shot 87 --can't putt for sh*%!. Felt kinda tired... Got laid though

A guy who has been stranded on a desert island for 10 years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's not a ship," he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft. In a few minutes a drop-dead gorgeous blonde woman emerges from the surf wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She approaches the shocked guy and says, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?

"Ten years," he replies. With that, she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack, he takes one, lights it and takes a long drag. "Man oh man! Is that ever good!"

"And how long has it been since you've had a shot of whiskey?" she asks.

Trembling he replies "Ten years!" She reaches over and unzips a pocket on her right sleeve pulls out a flask and hands it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swig and exclaims "That's absolutely fantastic!"

At this point she begins to slowly unzip the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at him seductively and asks, "How long has it been since you've played around?"

With tears in his eyes the guy falls to his knees and cries... "Oh sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too!"